When your action videogame adaption plays more like an instant cure for insomnia than it does a gritty film noir adventure, you know you've pulp novel-ed your way into the Restroom...
MAX PAYNE deals with a fallen cop (Mark Wahlberg) on the perpetual hunt for the killer of his wife and kid, only to discover a much larger conspiracy involving a pharmaceutical company's ties to an illegal drug. What follows are 100 minutes of sad panda acting, CGI snowfalls, check your pulse pacing, green screen backgrounds, and actress Mila Kunis doing her best impression of a living Bratz doll.
This stylized snoozefest is available for streaming on Amazon and YouTube, but as always, you're better off leaving this payne-ful mess (get it?) to us and go watch TED again instead.
Sit back now and give a listen as Griffin, Muro, & Knight flush you down the Cinematic Bowl with, MAX PAYNE...
